Thursday, September 29, 2005

Will someone enlighten me?

All my life I swore up and down and to the pope that I would never be one of those girls that ditches her friends every weekend and waits faithfully by the phone every night for some sub-par guy that is so not worthy of us that its past the point of being funny. But guess what, I am that girl. I think its almost inevitable for all of us to be that girl at some point. Why is that? This man has shown me nothing, this man has given me nothing, this man hasn't even called when he said he was going to! That's just common courtesy!
Little Ms. Super Feminist has had a change of heart. Someone has made me throw away my Ani DiFranco CDs (oh, how I will miss you, my sister) and made me succumb. Maybe its the lovely lies he tells, or the way he gets drunk and fights everyone. All I know is that I can't seem to get rid of him. He's like a band-aid that's been on so long that if I tear him off now the pain will be worse than what I had the band-aid on there for originally! Will some level-headed person whose opinion I respect more than my own please snap me out of this dysfunctional trance! Fat chance! I'm on my own with this one! Remember, you chased all your awesome friends away! Man, do I wish I would have followed my own advice. Feel free to leave me an e-slap in my comment box. I deserve it!

Friday, September 23, 2005

Is 21 years of training not long enough?

If you see this man, tell him to do the dishes

Last month I moved in with my little bro, Bubba. He used to complain about his old roommate being really messy and a total slob so I figured that he'd grown up a little and gained some good old healthy hygiene. This is by far not the case. Let me start out by saying that my little bro could be the most important person in my life and I love him more than anyone else in the world. But. . .
He's a freakin slob! If you ask him to do something that takes 5 minutes and is totally painless and brainless, he'll do 1/4 of it in 30 seconds and leave the rest for the pet midget we got to do the house work. (Obviously we don't have a pet midget). You'd think after his 21 years on this earth he'd realize that if he did it right the first time he won't have to do it again or listen to me scream at him for half an hour about it. That seems worth it right? I mean seriously, Mom might have chased him around with a broom and wash clothe, but I'm not her and Momma's boy is gonna have to grow up or this is gonna be a LONG year!

Thursday, September 22, 2005

39 Days Til Halloween!

My life basically consists of studying and not a whole lot else. So, any chance I get to find a reason to slack off I jump for! My favorite holiday in the whole, great, big, obnoxious, loud, irritating world is approaching! Halloween! I need tomention that I hate holidays. All holidays. No exceptions. Except Halloween. When else do you have every right to get dressed up like a mentally challenged person on acid, get obscenely drunk, and be as naughty as you feel up to without getting in trouble for it?!? Ummm. . . Never! We don't have any fabulous plans yet or costume ideas but I'm sure we'll come up with something! Last year we said we'd all go as prophylactics: e.g.- Della Diaphragm, Polly Pull-out, Sally Sponge. etc. . . So maybe we'll do that. Who knows, I'll keep you posted.
Last Years' Halloween Fun
Joey and Gooey didn't dress up. Seriously.
Do Avs and I really need an explanation?
Tacky and Rowdy, what could be better?
A man who could teach you a thing or two, Kirk

Monday, September 19, 2005

Hawkeye girls are nuts and Kirty smells real bad!

Iowa City was ridiculous! I forgot what it was like to live and party in a college town on game day. We stayed with some guys that Kirty and Seth are buddies with and they live 2 blocks from Kinnick Stadium. K-fel didn't end up coming but that didn't make a difference. We got 'er done Friday night, came home, puked a gyro, and passed out. Woke up at 7-ish Saturday and started drinking again. By kick-off at 2:30 they'd gone through 10 kegs already. By the end of the day the total was 17 kegs tapped out. Out of hand! Kirty passed out and naturally got defiled right by the bathroom. I'm pretty sure he got pee-ed on atleast once! He smelled real bad. Since there was no T.P. left, some girls had gone into Chuck-O Butt F***-O's room and took a pillow and were wiping their privates with it and using it like community T.P.! Hawkeye girls are nuts! Since I'm in nursing school I just had all these horrible pictures in my head of the necrotic infections they were gonna get! Becky, Seth, and I took a nap in a room the size of a closet and woke up and realized someone had gotten blood all over my pillow and I'd slept on it. YUCKY!!!! Those are expensive Egyptian cotton sheets too! I played DD Saturday night cuz I don't think I could handle any more alcohol or I'd have to go on dialysis! Kirty was once again in basically a state of coma. Becky was once again telling me over and over and over, "My brother loves me soooo much. . . My boyfriend loves me soooo much. . . My mom loves me soooo much. . . " And Seth hustled some guys for enough free drinks to get the whole Hawkeye football team wasted! And I was just making fun of the teeny-bopper hookers and the drunk jocks. Everyone doing what they do best! We got up at a decent time Sunday (after I kicked each of 'em in the ribs) and got on the road. Once again everyone else was so hungover that I had to drive home too, eventhough I'd driven the whole way there. Kirty hadn't showered and he looked and smelled like bar sludge. I may have to shampoo my car seats. But to make them pay for it I played sappy, whiny country songs the whole 4 1/2 hours home. HeeHeeHee! That'll teach 'em! We got home and all basically just crashed at our homes. Avs called me up when I got home and asked if I wanted to go to J-town to have dinner with Papa Joe and Debbie Kay. Of course I do! So we did that and then went to Bud's for a couple drinks afterwards. All in all, pretty great weekend, even if I didn't get any boot!

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

A fun little weekend!

I have a fun little weekend planned. I've gotten all of my homework for next week done ahead of time and scraped up a little cash and now I'm ready to go to someone else's town and have absolutely no reverence for it! Becky, Seth, Kellon, Kirty, Ben, Jon and I are making a trip down to Iowa City this weekend in a belated celebration of Seth's Birthday. We're staying at my dad's second cousin's son's house ( whom I don't know, but the guys I'm going with know very well). Iowa plays UNI this weekend so it should be pretty crazy. I'm interested in how a road trip with me and Becky and 5 guys is going to go, but any way you mix that it can't be bad! Only one problem. . .

. . . I'm on the rag. So I decided to do a little research online and find out if there's any way to speed up my period so I can turn this fun little weekend into a FUCKING RAD WEEKEND! I found this great little website that says that if you take 800mg of ibprofen every 8h for your whole period that it can shorten it up to half! It can't hurt anything but my liver, right? http://

I'm also trying to use only pads with the theory that an unblocked hose will flow better than a blocked hose. Not really a controlled experiment, but whatever. I'm sure you all would understand that a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do to get some boot! Sorry this post was a little graphic but they can't all be sunshine and wildflowers! I'll keep you updated on how the weekend goes!

Monday, September 12, 2005

It's been awhile . . .

It's been a while since I've blogged. The only excuse I have is that I worked my ass off this summer. Literally. I lost 24 lbs. Just from lifting fat old people and wiping ass. So I guess it really was worth the dirty work! But I'll NEVER do it again or recommend it to anyone else. So here's a little update about what's been going on: I started school again (Nursing school for those who don't know me). It really sucks and I truly don't have time for anything but reading, writing papers, and taking exams. I try to get crazy atleast one night a week though, but it doesn't always happen. It sucks cuz I never get to see all my buddies that I got wasted with all summer long. But I'm hoping that it'll pay off in the end and I won't hate being a nurse but I think I will. I'll post where I'll be working so no one goes there cuz I'm gonna be a really incompetant nurse! Also, here's the tally for the dead beat, alcoholic, ex-con affectionately nicknamed K-Fell (Like Britney's K-Fed, derived from "Kellon the Fellon") that I dated all summer:

Break- ups: 3

Make ups: 2 1/2 (sex only is half right?)

Drunken fights: 14

Drunken make-up booty calls: 17 (estimated)

# of times I kicked, punched or slapped him: 6

# of times he's cheated on me: 2 (known, not including unknown)

# of friends of mine that are a fan of K-Fell: 0

Needless to say it's been fun! Anyway, I must be getting back to the Grind!

Later On Tampon!